English Community

 Hi ladies,

I'm just venting/verbalizing some things I cannot share with my spouse as it would make him sad.

I'm sure at least some of you have been in/felt similar at times.

We have a lovebird that we got one year ago and two weeks ago we fell in love with another bird, a conure. So, we decided to adopt him. Conure birds can live up to 25 yrs if well loved and cared for. I have been feeling stupid the past two weeks as I feel, why am I getting a bird that can live that long when I don't know how long I will live. 

I seem to feel guilty about planning for the future when I don't know what the future holds for me.

I fear, who will care for my birds if I leave this earth early. Perhaps these feelings are related to my upcoming 2 year post surgery scan on Monday.

I realize these feelings don't compare to what some of you are going through. I just struggle with guilt, feel irresponsible for getting the second bird.  Then I tell myself, what? Am I supposed to wait till the 5 yr mark to live my life.

Rant over

Thanks for reading : )

Hi @melissa 

First thank you for feeling safe enough in this space to share your feelings. It's interesting as we all tend at one point or another, to think about the future and sadly in the context of our illnesses. The reality however is that no one, regardless of their current situation (medical or not) knows what the future holds. Could something happen to us in a month? 6 months? 3 years? 5 years? Who makes up these rules on timelines? Statistics aren't absolutes. They are just numbers. They don't predict exacts. I believe that living for the here and now seems to be the one true thing that we can control. 

Your birds clearly bring you joy and so you should hold no guilt. I also look at it from the perspective that you have brought love and joy to their lives. How amazing is that! You also said that "we" fell in love with another bird...which means that both you and your husband are caretakers to your feathered friends. If something happens to either of you, the other will be there to care for them.

You've chosen to do something that I feel, gives you lots of reasons to live. Way to go you!!!! 🙌

#Supportandencouragement

Planning for the future is a stickler. I am finding that because "Oh you look great " is the common greeting, everyone seems to think that cancer is past history. I wish !! It seems more like once cancer arrives, it's shadow forever shades you. I am doing well at this time and do very much appreciate each day and the great summer I have had, but looking ahead seems to be a challenge. As OVdialoque has been asking questions about how it affects us, and how they help, may I say that I love the sense of not being alone that the Teal Sisters bring, and having somewhere to learn from, ask questions  and vent is incredibly valuable.

I have been looking back at the journal I wrote in the beginning of this journey, 2 years ago. Sometimes you actually can't believe where you have been and what you have endured. It does show you that you can get through more than you ever imagined. I quote from my journal written Sept 18th, 2023 : " My body has been attacked (by itself it seems !) Pregnancy too felt like an invasion, but after some rigorous stress gave forth a reward. This attack is so very upsetting to who I am and who I will be ". While I try not to let cancer define my life, and also try not to talk to others about it too much, Thank you for letting me share my thoughts and fears. Oh, and treat yourself to the new Downton Abbey movie.  It's a lovely escape !!

Thank you @lbarr72 for sharing. There are definitely some raw moments in all of our journey's. I also agree that when you start to look good people think, "oh, you must be cured or in remission etc." It can be very frustrating that's for sure. Not everyone will understand the daily internal struggle that some of us will endure. I agree however that having Teal Sisters to confide in, seek counsel, and well, just vent to is a wonderful space to have. I too try not to let cancer define my life as well, as hard as that can be at times. 

Please if you haven't already, if you can lend your voice to the OVDialogue questions that I'm posting. It would be appreciated. 

Oh and thanks for the positive review of Downton Abbey. I can't wait to see it!!! Ultimately, I hope you are and continue to be well!!!

#Supportandencouragement

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Melissa,

  Alwayslearning beautifully articulated supportive words as well as a truth that pertains to all of us human beings. There is no certainty to how long anyone lives; I wrestle with this issue too, especially when I am anticipating another medical test or meeting. It is challenging to stay in the present, but when I do I feel better and enjoy what is right in front of me. Your new member of the pet family will give you many moments of joy which may last longer than you think. Love and joy are very sustaining, in my view. 

Our thoughts and emotions are important, but are not predictors of how life will be. I remind myself of this as well. 

 I try to practice a mantra "be here now" and it really helps me stay focused on this day or this moment. Thanks for sharing an issue that many of us can resonate with! 

Leslie 

@melissa I get it.  I feel like my husband just thinks get thru chemo, surgery removed everything, you'll be fine.  Where I think I can't make future plans for 10 years down the road because I don't know when the next recurrence will happen.  I know I have to get that out of my head and take one day at a time but it's hard right now.  

Thank you ladies for your kind and wise words.

@alwayslearning you couldn't be more right. Nobody on this earth knows when there time will be up. I think, for me one of the hardest things to do on a daily basis is live for today.

I'm at the hospital now waiting for my scan, and I'm happy to report my level of anxiety is significantly lower than it has been in the past.

@JoanEG I am happy to report they have renovated the CT department and the " bullet" holes are gone : )

@melissa good to know the bullet holes are gone!  😁

@melissa I can with complete honesty say that I understand. I and others on this forum have our good and bad days. It comes with the territory. We are entitled to our own pity parties and without ANY guilt. 

Also thank you for the "bullet hole" post. I remember when @JoanEG posted that. It made me laugh then and again now.

Hi @melissa . How are you doing? How did your scan go? I hope you are continuing to find joy if your lovely birds. 

Hi @melissa ... wanted to check in and see how you are doing? How are those lovely birds of yours?