@Soleil,
You have a gift with words; I enjoy reading your posts. I have been thinking a lot about hope lately. I am sharing a bit of my story at the Walk of Hope next week and want to be relevant to the theme. As I think about hope, I was searching for it outside of myself at the beginning of this journey of journeys, but I have managed to generate some internal hope, and it often comes from the tiniest of moments. Like you have done, planting flowers and for me a vegetable patch of tomatoes, beans, beets, and carrots. The tomatoes and beans flourished. The carrots were meagre and mealy. But it was fun to check on the garden everyday because it changed so quickly.
Other sources of hope has been not feeling so alone with this disease; the teal sisters and our conversations have helped immensely. Also, cherishing a stunning sunset, a humorous conversation with a random stranger, attending a party this summer and meeting new people, walking my beautiful dog Ember, and snuggling in bed at night warm and comfortable. I have tried to write those summer moments down so I don't forget. It is easy for despair to wash over me, especially when I have medical challenges (which so far have been few).
Forming new habits with our diet is a hopeful act. I haven't yet developed a regular green tea practice, but I like the fancy ones from the tea shop. I plan to start drinking green tea daily. Thank you for the reminder.
Speaking of books, I am reading Kitchen Table Wisdom by Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen. It was recommended by Trudy Boyle who facilitates "Living Well with Cancer" from Wellspring. It offers a lot of life perspective from a physician who has a chronic illness. I have found the stories to be supportive and hopeful. Trudy Boyle herself provides wise, grounded, and inspirational thoughts about life that leave me much less afraid of the unknown and my fate.