The "C" word.

Do you feel like people are tired of hearing you talk about cancer?  I really want to talk about my cancer.  I want to talk about what I went through to every one I meet.  But, I have learned that others don't want to hear it.  I sometimes try to jokingly add it to a conversation, but it never goes over very well.  I often get those weird looks and awkward silences when I say something about having cancer.  I feel like people want me to move on.  It's over with, Amanda, move on.  Does anyone else feel like that?  I am so excited to talk about it here with others like me.  It was hard.  It was scary.  I am still in pain from my hysterectomy.  I don't have my muscles back yet.  I can barely go up the stairs.  I am going through surgical menopause before I am supposed to.  I can't have kids.  I am now always irritated.  Sigh! That feels so good to unload.  And, I bet you get me.  You know what I am talking about.  You have gone through it, too.  Or, you are going through it.  Do you feel like you can't just talk about it with everyone?  Or are you telling every stranger "Hey! I had/have ovarian cancer" and then they give you this Wow!-that's-too-much-information-that-I-can't-handle look.  Is it just me or do you get that look, too?  Being able to talk about what I went through, out loud, is my way of saying it and then letting it go.  I am trying to find people who get me, who know what I am talking about and who understand it all.   

Comments

  • I think the most interesting reaction I see is the look of shock when I just say it as if its a common place fact - which it is, I had cancer... it happened, there is no denying it, so why not say it as point blank as saying I dye my hair? 
  • I understand what your feeling and feel that most people would rather not know about it or wish I'd move on.  It was hard and scary but I didn't let these emotions show very often so people thought it didn't bother me.  Only now two years later does my family know how scared and how much I struggled with it.  My menopause was surgically induced as well and I'm irritated at the little things and am forgetful so tend to repeat saying the same stuff to the same people....oh well, lol  
  • One of my biggest issues in the months following my diagnosis was getting people to listen to me, in hindsight very few individuals made an effort to acknowledge my perspective. My experience as a cancer patient is that it can be difficult to find a sympathetic ear or someone who is empathetic. Even family members often seemed unwilling to let me open up about my emotions, fears, and concerns. 

  • Yes me too! I find that I feel like an island a lot these days. Everybody mindlessly chitty chatting about things that are so unimportant to me. Even the ppl closest to me -I dont feel understand a word I say. But when it comes to talking about my cancer , my treatment,my experiences,my doctors etc etc etc I feel like I want to talk for hours. When I'm around other ppl who have or have had cancer I feel a huge relief because I know I'm around ppl to truly understand me...even if I'm making no sense at all LOL :D
  • @ Jackie I hope that an online community like this one can help with support and understanding. It's so hard for most people to understand what a person with cancer is going through I think.
  • After my parents died of cancer within 6 months of each other, I found it very difficult to connect with certain friends. I had just gone through a very long period of palliative care for them, followed by the final stages. I could not relate to what my friends were talking about in their lives - what I felt at the time were superficial concerns, and I was experiencing such depth and complexity in life/death. I did withdraw from some of those friends for a time, but I also came to understand that everyone's experience in life is so different and that I couldn't expect them to understand what I'd been through. 
  • @JaneWest - I feel like major life events like that can often create a feeling of a divide, simply because it shifts the way that you look at the world around you. I was only 24 when I was diagnosed, a time when most of my peers were busy hitting bars with their friends, living it up, finishing University, etc. It definitely put me in a different 'place' in life. 
  • My cancer is incurable and that scares the crap out of me. There's a lot of anxiety that goes with my diagnosis. I have a few people I can be honest with, but some people don't want to hear about how I really feel, That's difficult. I don't want to talk about my cancer all the time, but sometimes I need to let it out. It's a very lonely feeling.
  • I can see my situation in many of the comments above. I don't mind talking about my cancer. It's part of my life story and there's nothing I can do to change that. I was diagnosed, I went through treatment and I'm here today - I believe a stronger person for the experience. If I can help one person by talking about my experiences, it's worth it to be a chatterbox about ovarian cancer.  This forum will be a great place for us to "vent" and share and talk to others who actually know what we have gone through and how we feel. I'm glad to see so many people taking part in OVdialogue!
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