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OVdialogue – consider joining our team in the role of Peer Support Volunteer. Over a few hours each week, you would be part of a team that helps connect people, support conversations and are thought leaders for OVdialogue. This is your opportunity to give back to those who have/continue to support you through the tough times, share your unique experiences, and help celebrate successes. For more details of what this entails, please reach out to @Mfallis (mfallis@ovariancanada.org).
OVdialogue – consider joining our team in the role of Peer Support Volunteer. Over a few hours each week, you would be part of a team that helps connect people, support conversations and are thought leaders for OVdialogue. This is your opportunity to give back to those who have/continue to support you through the tough times, share your unique experiences, and help celebrate successes. For more details of what this entails, please reach out to @Mfallis (mfallis@ovariancanada.org).
Moving Forward
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Strongwoman
Moderator
@hope2022 raised this question back to something I wrote on today's Teal Thursday "Your posts are inspiring and I wonder how you manage to stay focused and keep moving forward when you are on such a tough journey?"
I pondered that particular question and thought that it might be worthy of posting in a separate thread and I encourage EVERYONE to share open and honestly how they feel right now and how they would answer that exact question. We are not in this alone and it is our 'shared' experiences that can make a difference or shed some light for others travelling the same but always so slightly different journeys.
So I begin.......
First, partly I will put it down to my sheer determined spirit (although some would call this stubborness) and personality that has me 'moving forward'. That is a part of it but not all of it. There is so much behind what looks like a simple question and should be a simple answer. I have as a friend, family member and health practitioner seen so much surrounding sickness and death, reactions, how one carries forward and what they do in the moment that I feel a have a multitude of experiences to gather wisdom from. I will say foremost, most do not want to talk about things they are uncomfortable with. Albeit sickness or death or relationships. They are all hard conversations that most don't want to have or do not know where to start. I have seen many have to deal with death suddenly and what effects it has on them as well as those that have more 'time' and how they spend their days. There is NO right or wrong in any of this. Everyone has there own unique situation with their disease, family/friends and prognosis. I find myself blessed to be able to plan and decide a lot of decisions that are ripped away from others that are ill because they are incapable of doing so and things have hit from left field. So, based on that, I am making my plans with or without my family. They are ready, fine, I will carry on and leave instructions. Like my hubby isn't ready to face or talk about what I would like when I pass. I, on the other hand, wanted to know so I went by myself and made my decisions. The funeral home gave me a booklet and I am busy filling it out so that they will know what I want but they can add anything they want to it should they so choose as it isn't paid for. I have watched too many people make emotional decisions around death that they later regret in a way that they had been more financially prudent. I have been in that situation but different circumstance and we made emotional decisions, it isn't nice and we don't think clearly in those moments.
I think of my current friend who is going through her final stages and try to put myself in her shoes.......what would I want and want to hear from other people, who would I want to be around, etc. That is the 'gift' she is giving me and it has taken me weeks to see that it is a 'gift' she is giving me although I miss her terribly already. It doesn't mean the emotional garbage doesn't surface because it does, it means I am taking time to see what it might be like and make decisions that when it comes to that I will have directives for my family. One of them is this, when we get to this stage, often we are unable to communicate so I am going to appoint certain people to have that job as my immediate family will be otherwise consumed with everything else and will not have the bandwidth to handle it. I feel 'left out' in some ways not knowing that she is medicated and rested although in the back of my head I know they are doing all that for her. The person or people on the outside though feel abandoned and lost due to it and I understand that they or we aren't the priority but I want to sensitive to that part of it and make sure they don't feel that when it is my time.
My legacy work is very important to me. I want to leave certain things for people with notes or things like that and will have it all ready. I am doing my best to do a little every day. That also keeps me going every day.
There are many days I don't feel like doing anything and I let them be and other days I force myself to do something because I know my hourglass sand is slipping through. I possess an attitude also that when I am told I can't do something, I will often see it as a challenge and try to prove differently. Sometimes this is a good thing and other times, I have to pause for awhile and think about what I might feel like should I do so.
Yes the journey is tough both physically and mentally. You will find if you search your own way to do so and your why. It will propel you forward. We can anticipate the heck out of many things and I do my best to not sit in that too long. We are all here and not to paraphrase exactly but we are all a part of fabric and some of the threads are short and some long but they all make up the fabric. It is how I look at it, I don't know which thread I am and continue to find my way every day. Today for example, I thought I had a dental appt but don't till next month (yup.....brain fog at its finest) so I called a friend, asked what they were doing, told them to get dressed and meet me at a restaurant to eat and chat. Spur of the moment, we both enjoyed it and I loved every minute of it. Those are the things that fill me up and that my odd sense of humour gets out and I laughed today and cried with another friend. All of them help to make up the fabric that is me. I, as most of you know, have read a lot on death and dying, continue to find podcasts that I find interesting on the subject of that or cancer in relation to a lot of subjects. I feel this is my purpose. To find this information and to pass along what I find so that maybe someone will grasp on to one of those nuggets of information and find a way to carry on or make peace with things.
I reflect back to my proper first name and it's meaning and it means "Gift of God". I have often joked throughout my lifetime as to what that means and why. Mostly to make it my advantage with my parents when I want to win an argument but I look at it now and feel that my purpose is to find a way to get to our end days the way we want with purpose and love all around us. To make our passage seamless and know we have left our families behind with all we can give them and that they will be "ok".
I hope this long winded post will weave into a part of each and everyone of you no matter where you are in your journey and that you carry on with your own purpose so that in the end above all you are: AT PEACE WITH YOURSELF!
I pondered that particular question and thought that it might be worthy of posting in a separate thread and I encourage EVERYONE to share open and honestly how they feel right now and how they would answer that exact question. We are not in this alone and it is our 'shared' experiences that can make a difference or shed some light for others travelling the same but always so slightly different journeys.
So I begin.......
First, partly I will put it down to my sheer determined spirit (although some would call this stubborness) and personality that has me 'moving forward'. That is a part of it but not all of it. There is so much behind what looks like a simple question and should be a simple answer. I have as a friend, family member and health practitioner seen so much surrounding sickness and death, reactions, how one carries forward and what they do in the moment that I feel a have a multitude of experiences to gather wisdom from. I will say foremost, most do not want to talk about things they are uncomfortable with. Albeit sickness or death or relationships. They are all hard conversations that most don't want to have or do not know where to start. I have seen many have to deal with death suddenly and what effects it has on them as well as those that have more 'time' and how they spend their days. There is NO right or wrong in any of this. Everyone has there own unique situation with their disease, family/friends and prognosis. I find myself blessed to be able to plan and decide a lot of decisions that are ripped away from others that are ill because they are incapable of doing so and things have hit from left field. So, based on that, I am making my plans with or without my family. They are ready, fine, I will carry on and leave instructions. Like my hubby isn't ready to face or talk about what I would like when I pass. I, on the other hand, wanted to know so I went by myself and made my decisions. The funeral home gave me a booklet and I am busy filling it out so that they will know what I want but they can add anything they want to it should they so choose as it isn't paid for. I have watched too many people make emotional decisions around death that they later regret in a way that they had been more financially prudent. I have been in that situation but different circumstance and we made emotional decisions, it isn't nice and we don't think clearly in those moments.
I think of my current friend who is going through her final stages and try to put myself in her shoes.......what would I want and want to hear from other people, who would I want to be around, etc. That is the 'gift' she is giving me and it has taken me weeks to see that it is a 'gift' she is giving me although I miss her terribly already. It doesn't mean the emotional garbage doesn't surface because it does, it means I am taking time to see what it might be like and make decisions that when it comes to that I will have directives for my family. One of them is this, when we get to this stage, often we are unable to communicate so I am going to appoint certain people to have that job as my immediate family will be otherwise consumed with everything else and will not have the bandwidth to handle it. I feel 'left out' in some ways not knowing that she is medicated and rested although in the back of my head I know they are doing all that for her. The person or people on the outside though feel abandoned and lost due to it and I understand that they or we aren't the priority but I want to sensitive to that part of it and make sure they don't feel that when it is my time.
My legacy work is very important to me. I want to leave certain things for people with notes or things like that and will have it all ready. I am doing my best to do a little every day. That also keeps me going every day.
There are many days I don't feel like doing anything and I let them be and other days I force myself to do something because I know my hourglass sand is slipping through. I possess an attitude also that when I am told I can't do something, I will often see it as a challenge and try to prove differently. Sometimes this is a good thing and other times, I have to pause for awhile and think about what I might feel like should I do so.
Yes the journey is tough both physically and mentally. You will find if you search your own way to do so and your why. It will propel you forward. We can anticipate the heck out of many things and I do my best to not sit in that too long. We are all here and not to paraphrase exactly but we are all a part of fabric and some of the threads are short and some long but they all make up the fabric. It is how I look at it, I don't know which thread I am and continue to find my way every day. Today for example, I thought I had a dental appt but don't till next month (yup.....brain fog at its finest) so I called a friend, asked what they were doing, told them to get dressed and meet me at a restaurant to eat and chat. Spur of the moment, we both enjoyed it and I loved every minute of it. Those are the things that fill me up and that my odd sense of humour gets out and I laughed today and cried with another friend. All of them help to make up the fabric that is me. I, as most of you know, have read a lot on death and dying, continue to find podcasts that I find interesting on the subject of that or cancer in relation to a lot of subjects. I feel this is my purpose. To find this information and to pass along what I find so that maybe someone will grasp on to one of those nuggets of information and find a way to carry on or make peace with things.
I reflect back to my proper first name and it's meaning and it means "Gift of God". I have often joked throughout my lifetime as to what that means and why. Mostly to make it my advantage with my parents when I want to win an argument but I look at it now and feel that my purpose is to find a way to get to our end days the way we want with purpose and love all around us. To make our passage seamless and know we have left our families behind with all we can give them and that they will be "ok".
I hope this long winded post will weave into a part of each and everyone of you no matter where you are in your journey and that you carry on with your own purpose so that in the end above all you are: AT PEACE WITH YOURSELF!
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@Strongwoman
Thank you for starting this discussion..what a great idea. It will be interesting to see what others have to say about what keeps them going every day.
There were two things that really stuck out to me in your post....
First was when you talk about your 'sheer determined spirit'. I feel that is just so important on a journey like ours. My sister has survived a stage 4 breast cancer diagnosis since 2009. She is one of the most determined people I know.
The second was your attitude to do something when someone says you can't and to see it as a challenge. I can definitely relate to that comment...
Anyways, lots of things to think about from your post. You are one brave lady!
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A friend sent this to me and I wanted to share it with the group and has more meaning to myself as I was a RMT.
Shared from Sacred Dreams 💛
“Grandma, how do you cope with pain?”
“With your hands, honey. If you do it with your mind instead of relieving the pain, it toughens even harder.”
“With your hands grandma?”
“Yes, our hands are the antennae of our soul. If you move them; knitting, cooking, painting, playing or sinking them into the ground, you send care signs to the deepest part of you and your soul lights up because you’re paying attention to it. Then signs of pain will no longer be necessary.”
“Hands are really that important?”
“Yes my daughter. Think of babies: they start to know the world through the touch of their hands. If you look at the hands of old people, they tell you more about their life then any body part. Everything that is done by hand is said to be done with the heart. Because it’s really like this: hands and heart are connected. Masseurs know well: when they touch someone with their hands, they create a deep connection. It is precisely from this connection that healing comes. Think of lovers: when they touch their hands, they make love in a more sublime way.”
“My hands grandma.... how long I haven’t used them like this!”
“Move them, my love. Begin to create with them and everything within you will begin to move. The pain will not pass away. And instead what you do with them will become the most beautiful masterpiece and it won’t hurt anymore. Because you have been able to transform its essence.”
~Elena Bernabe
Shared and translated by Takiruna
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Love it @Strongwoman Thanks for sharing and let's make a point of filling our cups with all that positive energy at our live chat today. Hope to "see" you at 1pm ET.
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Dear @Strongwoman. Hello! Just wanted to say that you are heard... and there is hope. Keep hold of that strong thread of balance and hope, find your ways of facing and processing fear and despair so as not to rest in those spaces. Hope that you are able to connect with supports that can lift you up and empower you to recover that feeling of being fully alive and fully awake.0
