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I don't understand people

I've been experiencing terrible back pain for about a month. Whenever I have a new pain I always worry that the cancer has spread. So along with the pain my anxiety has been pretty bad. Most people in my life are aware of how I'm doing and understand when I'm not myself. However, some people just don't get it. A family member is mad at me right now because I haven't been as chatty lately. I told her about the pain and anxiety, but she has chosen to take things personally and is ignoring my text messages. It's crazy to think that someone is mad at me because I haven't been feeling well. This is not the first person to act this way towards me. I'm trying not to let it bother me, I guess it does because here I am writing about it. I feel as though I have enough to worry about. Any suggestions as to what I can do? 


  • Hello @birdee I am by myself except for a brother so I have a suggestion to tell you that a little away time and quiet time for yourself is not such a bad thing.  You say you have other family.  I suggest you stay away from the relative bothering you.  You need to worry about yourself right now.  Not them.  Focus on yourself and others that do not upset you.  Take it easy 
  • birdee said:
     This is not the first person to act this way towards me. I'm trying not to let it bother me, I guess it does because here I am writing about it. I feel as though I have enough to worry about. Any suggestions as to what I can do? 
    I totally understand. I have a different life changing condition and few times experienced similar attitude. As an example is the situation when I was not able to come to my friend's daughter birthday and she got so mad that sent me an insulting message. My suggestion is to stay calm, not to fight back and focus on your own wellbeing & treatment. If this bothers you to the point of frustration and inducing stress, please talk to someone who can relate or at least ease your feeling of resentment. Take care.
  • I understand as well.  My husband make the mistake once of saying that I was not the same girl he jerk move.  It hurt but also made me more aware of how depressed I was getting.  When my hair was coming in curly (was straight before chemo) an aunt said that she should shave her head so she could get curly hair too.  grrr...some people just don't get what is happening and the stress that you are under.  

    Try to stay calm and talk to someone else who may understand better.
  • JaneWest
    When I face something similar, I keep reminding myself that the problem/attitude/feeling belongs to the other person; and I understand I can't control or change them. I'm working very hard to minimize stress in my life, so disconnect from that person's issues as best I can. If it is really important to me, I will share how their words or behaviour make me feel. But sometimes that doesn't work unfortunately. It's on them. Good luck and just remember to keep your stress down as best you can.
  • Do what you can to minimize the stress, and if possible, the amount of contact with those that are upsetting you. They just don't get what you are going through - plain and simple. They expect your life will go on as it always used to and it doesn't! We worry about every new ache and pain. We don't get enough sleep and we sure don't pamper ourselves as much as we should! Their attitude is their problem, not yours. You concentrate on getting well and leave the petty attitude to them.

  • Thanks everyone. It's helps to know That other people understand. 👍
  • Jackie
    Jackie Peer Support Vol

    I find that since my cancer diagnosis friends and family have really shown their true colours in terms of how they treat me and support me emotionally. I’m sometimes reminded of something poet Maya Angelou wrote:

     “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

  • Hi @birdee @CurlyHair @CanaryBird @KarenL @JaneWest @kastoyles @Jackie  
    sounds like you have all had some difficult experiences with other people along your journey.  Here is an article that you may find helpful.  If there are other resources that you are aware of, please share them.