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Hi Everyone,

I've been struggling with deep depression for awhile now. Depression isn't knew to me, but for some reason this feels different. In the past, I was able to find ways to cope like walking, listening to music, reading or talking to a friend. This time, I can't seem to find a way to help myself. I've been on anti depressive medication for ages, dr has raised my dose a few times. I did talk to my dr about seeing someone from psychosocial recently. They will be in touch soon. 

When I lost my sweet Ginger girl last Father's Day I felt very sad for months. On Christmas Eve 2017 we adopted a two year old rescue dog from Tennessee. She's a fearful little soul, but what a little beauty. I started to feel better after we got Sasha and things were good for awhile.  So grateful for her and she's definitely great therapy, but I'm still depressed.

It's been almost 6 years since I was diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer. My cancer is incurable and I have accepted that. Still scares the shite out of me though.  

Here is a photo of my baby girl Sasha.


  • Flowergirl
    Hi @birdee... welcome back to the site....thank you for posting about this important topic and for sharing. I'm glad you are able to reach out to your medical team for help,  and this forum... we are here to support as we can.

    On a personal note, psychosocial support guided me through some sad, painful times and provided some coping techniques. I hope you are feeling ok today and thank you again for sharing those animal pics, they sure do make us smile.

  • Thank you for sharing @birdee I hope you have a strong support system around you. Your pup is absolutely adorable
  • I took a coping clinic at the hospital in 2013. The Dr who ran the clinic also saw patients one on one if needed. I found it very helpful at the time.  I'm a patient at Princess Margaret Hospital now. Not sure what they will offer.

  • @birdee sorry to hear about your battle with depression. I too have suffered off & on with depression& anxiety years before my diagnosis. I note that you said your Dr has increased your dosage with no luck. Maybe time to ask him or her to try you on a new medication, there are a lot of new medications in that field that provide better results, not like the old days when everyone 
    was on Prozac ;) I love your Sacha I had a dog Jimmi who looked the very same except he was black & white. He was a loyal friend & was with us for 14 yrs. I grieved his passing for a very long time.
    wishing you well
  • Flowergirl
    Hi @birdee @Jack @red1976 - I've popped onto the site tonight to check in to see how you are all managing tonight?

    On those days when you feel like you are going "down the rabbit hole" (that is how I describe it) nice to know someone is there for you - here - on the site. A virtual shoulder to lean on, here to listen and support. 

  • @Flowergirl Thank you :) and it's very true. I call it my runaway train but the rabbit hole fits well too! I did some self care today....journalled and laughed with a friend so I'm happy to be in a good space tonight.
  • Flowergirl
    HI @red1976 - that is great - I'm glad to hear you have those outlets.
    I forced myself to get out in the cold and sunshine for skating today - sure was nice.

    Anyone else? what is your go to for self care when you find yourself "onboard the runaway train" or " sliding down the rabbit hole"
  • Hi All, hope everyone had an ok day. When I'm feeling like I'm on that runaway train I usually go to the gym, I feel that helps making me feel like I'm helping myself & alleviates stress. When I am not able or willing to leave home I like t sketch or paint. Every Friday I meet some lady friends for a recap of our weeks & have a drink .
  • Flowergirl
    Hi @Jack - I like how you mentioned that with those activities, it feels like you are helping yourself ... I’m going to try and focus on that perspective - thank you.
  • Hi @birdee.  Just wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing?  Have you found some support through Princess Margaret or a change in your medication.  I hope that Sacha is continuing to bring you some comfort....
  • HI Birdee! 
    I too have lived with depression before and after cancer. Its been 2 years since I had my operation and about 1.5 years since finishing chemo.  After chemo, it was like I was on a pink cloud. I was so happy to be getting back to life.  This past winter has been difficult. It wasn't like I was depressed, but just didn't feel as energetic and upbeat.  Today I was cleaning and organizing my spare room.  I came across to of those white hats that I wore to bed to keep my head warm when I was bald. I almost threw up and got tears in my eyes. I immediately threw them in the garbage.  I am crying now just thinking about that period in my life. .  
    You know I spent alot of time putting one foot in front of the other and getting threw the surgery and treatment that I don't think I took the time to process the whole thing.  I am taking steps to do that now.  I have recognized that that whole experience was shoved into the back of my brain.  Now it's coming out and I need to deal with it. With the consultation of my doctor, I have increased my anti-depressants a bit and I have also made arrangements to see a therapist. It is so important to recognized the signs and symptoms before they get out of control and to reach out for help.

  • Hi @sunshine1122.  How are you doing?  It has been about a month since you posted that you were having a hard time.  Have the increased meds helped?  Have you been able to find a therapist?  I have found that the emotional and psychological impact of a cancer diagnosis sometimes doesn't hit until well after treatment has finished.  It is good that you have recognized this and are getting the help you need.  Keep reaching out - maybe you would like to share some of the things that help you cope?
  • sunshine1122
    edited April 2018
    Yes, the increase in meds has helped. I am also going to see a therapist soon.Today was a rough day as I had to have my cat put down.  She was my pal and was with me through the treatment part of cancer up until now.  I will miss her for sure but I know she is no longer suffering.
  • @sunshine1122 Just a quick comment to say I hope you are coping alright with the sadness of losing your cat and health issues.   Take care 
  • Flowergirl
    Hi @sunshine1122 - thank you for sharing the photo - those animals really are a source of comfort.
    Yes, so sorry you had to deal with that now and I hope you are able to get the support you need.
    Please join us on the live chat on Tuesdays at 7:00PM CST 
  • Thank you @CurlyHair and @Flowergirl! I am feeling much better these days.  There is more daylight and it's finally getting warmer!  I am missing my cat but I know she is not suffering anymore and that makes it a bit better. Also, I am going to get a new kitten in a month or so.  She is orange and white and I have named her "Peanut" because she is the smallest of the litter. It will be nice to have a cat around again :)

  • JaneWest
    @sunshine1122 .   I am so very sorry that you had to let your cat go. She was a beautiful cat. I know personally how important our pets are, esp in our sick and recovery times. My cat and dog help me every single day to feel better.
  • JaneWest
    Bella my dog is 11, and Milo is 4 years old now. They love to snuggle, kiss, playfight, chase and tease each other. Here they are as good hockey fans watching the Jets beat the Predators with me!!!
  • @JaneWest Thanks. I loved that little furball. Good news is that I am going get a new kitten. Not sure if its a boy or girl, but it's orange and white and I have chosen the name peanut because it was the smallest of the litter.  This little furball has a personality already. Can't wait to have my furbaby home :)