I had a great life prior to this disease. Loving family, great spouse, horses, dogs, great job etc. Since this entered my life everything has changed. I am always in a depressive state and can't seem to find an escape of the dark thoughts. I've been through counseling, tried antidepressants and attended a spiritual session with a native healer. I found the healer to be the most comforting with what she gave me on a spiritual level. I have tried to reconnect sexually but it was unsuccessful and I felt like my vagina had a knife cutting into it. I have come to the conclusion that I really don't want a long term relationship with this disease although the medical community seems to constantly push in that direction. I am currently in remission but should the disease return I'm really not sure that I want more years of this mental & physical torture (on me & my family). Are there others that feel this way?